Parenthood is a test to essentially see how strong your relationship is with your significant other. Sad to say, it happened to us in an explosive way. Jon and I got into a HUGE fight on December 18th that lead to him tossing our tree out with the decorations ruining my Christmas spirit as well as trying to kill my cat by strangling her. In that short amount of time coming home from the concert to leaving to pick Madison up, with no sleep I packed up Madison and my stuff and picked her up from her grandparents since she stayed there the night before so Jon and I could go to his co-workers concert. We headed down to my parents after I came back to get my cat because I was fearful of what he would do to her with me not there. Both his parents and mine were supportive, some gave unwanted advice, great advice, and some even just comforted me by listening to what happened.
We since then have worked it out...kinda. I'm still not over it, but I have started to see a change in him in the way he treats me, a good thing. We spent the next few days apart to cool off. He apologized instantly after I got down to my parents. He never apologizes, he still does to this day. I think he feels guilty for the horrible things he said and did that night. I came up that Wednesday and he apologized over and over again. From our talk we both realized we need to communicate better, yes we talk but not like we used to before having Madison where we would have time to talk for as much as possible without worrying "where the baby is, or if she is okay?"
Some friends were consoling and I appreciate them for being there when I needed them. Some aren't accepting of me going back to him after that night, but the matter of fact is we have a daughter that we want her to see if we can work it out for her sake. I still love my friends that don't accept my decision, it means they care for me too much to see me get hurt. I need to do this though to see if we can work out our issues. We do care about each other, yes I still don't forgive him. I know it's going to take a year or more, but we're hoping through counseling we can work on our issues as a couple together. We both took on the world on our shoulders when Madison was born, but we didn't talk to each other about it. I was so focused on Madison's needs that I didn't look at my needs, Jon's needs, or "our" needs as a couple.
My friend told me that once your glass cup is broken you're done for in a relationship, but what if we can mend the broken pieces together. My greatest fear is becoming a single parent within a matter of minutes, but we haven't given each other a ring to wear to say we are married. We took a step back in our relationship of four and a half years, it will take a new year of mending our relationship together again. We can do it, I feel the support from our family and friends, but mostly from the love we both have for Madison, we can and will make it work as a family.
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