Parenthood is a test to essentially see how strong your relationship is with your significant other. Sad to say, it happened to us in an explosive way. Jon and I got into a HUGE fight on December 18th that lead to him tossing our tree out with the decorations ruining my Christmas spirit as well as trying to kill my cat by strangling her. In that short amount of time coming home from the concert to leaving to pick Madison up, with no sleep I packed up Madison and my stuff and picked her up from her grandparents since she stayed there the night before so Jon and I could go to his co-workers concert. We headed down to my parents after I came back to get my cat because I was fearful of what he would do to her with me not there. Both his parents and mine were supportive, some gave unwanted advice, great advice, and some even just comforted me by listening to what happened.
We since then have worked it out...kinda. I'm still not over it, but I have started to see a change in him in the way he treats me, a good thing. We spent the next few days apart to cool off. He apologized instantly after I got down to my parents. He never apologizes, he still does to this day. I think he feels guilty for the horrible things he said and did that night. I came up that Wednesday and he apologized over and over again. From our talk we both realized we need to communicate better, yes we talk but not like we used to before having Madison where we would have time to talk for as much as possible without worrying "where the baby is, or if she is okay?"
Some friends were consoling and I appreciate them for being there when I needed them. Some aren't accepting of me going back to him after that night, but the matter of fact is we have a daughter that we want her to see if we can work it out for her sake. I still love my friends that don't accept my decision, it means they care for me too much to see me get hurt. I need to do this though to see if we can work out our issues. We do care about each other, yes I still don't forgive him. I know it's going to take a year or more, but we're hoping through counseling we can work on our issues as a couple together. We both took on the world on our shoulders when Madison was born, but we didn't talk to each other about it. I was so focused on Madison's needs that I didn't look at my needs, Jon's needs, or "our" needs as a couple.
My friend told me that once your glass cup is broken you're done for in a relationship, but what if we can mend the broken pieces together. My greatest fear is becoming a single parent within a matter of minutes, but we haven't given each other a ring to wear to say we are married. We took a step back in our relationship of four and a half years, it will take a new year of mending our relationship together again. We can do it, I feel the support from our family and friends, but mostly from the love we both have for Madison, we can and will make it work as a family.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Belated postings...
It's been months since I've posted anything new on here!
I think taking full-time school plus a little toddler has been a bit overwhelming the last few months. It's a good sense of feeling overwhelmed, but none the less it leaves me little time to sit down and write on here. I would love to say it will change, but honestly friends (who do read my blog) it might not be as often as I want to post. So I'm going to not be able to post as much when January hits due to school resuming, but after this week I will have time to post more since I'm in finals week currently. Here's a tid bit of what has been happening in our household, I'll post more in the next week to come...
Christmas elves have taken over our house this past weekend as we have our wreath, fresh Christmas tree, holiday music, and stockings all hung up and ready to celebrate with family. Madison has been the best little helper in all of this especially in hunting down the perfect Christmas tree which we found on Saturday with Grandpa and Uncle Matthew. Uncle Matthew sacrificed his eye so we could get that tree, so we are eternally grateful for his help! Jon helped set up the tree and we have been busy transforming the house into a winter wonderland. I'll post pictures up when I can! Madison is now 21 months old and has been a good, but busy little one with seeing grandparents, seeing friends at daycare, and learning new words at a constant rate! She has even taken a few more steps in growing up which I'll talk about later in another post :)
Jon has been working a lot especially lately. His job at Google is taking a toll on him physically, but he doesn't mind it at all. In fact, his executive chef has switched him from the morning shift to the night shift so he will be working Monday through Thursday 10 hour days. He told me he feels like he might be getting a promotion with the amount of responsibility, he makes me so happy to know he finally found a passion that he loves to do. He never seems to get bored with his job, always something new everyday.
As for me, I should be studying right now, but this quarter was easy with my classes I took. It was my choice to take a lighter load, still 16 credits, but less stress with no science classes. It just seemed more time consuming otherwise with clinicals the past month. What are clinicals you might be asking? Well it's an internship for my certified nursing class that counts as school credit. My amazing group of five classmates and I have been going to Emerald Heights nursing home which is by far amazing. I've seen and learned things that I wouldn't have learned otherwise if I didn't get placed into that group. I've never dealt with real patients so this was a HUGE awakening for me as to what to expect in the real world of nursing. I have gotten to know patients who have passed especially recently with Zena. She is one of the spunkiest 96 year old ladies I knew who was still able to walk and keep a conversation going. It was very unexpected and I didn't think I would get attached to her as much as I did. Working in the real world has shown how to deal with nurses, co-workers, and most importantly the patients, that's the reason we are there...to make them as happy as possible. After this week, I'll begin studying for my TEAS test which is early next year, it's for nursing school so I have to kick major booty on it! A lot of my friends who have said it 's one of the hardest test they have taken by far which is a lot since all my friends are ridiculously smart!
Anyways that's our life in a nutshell, I'll post more pics/post to come with a month off I know I'll have time to keep up with this blog! Life has been so busy that I forget to sit down and relax, hopefully a month off to enjoy with family will cure that!
I think taking full-time school plus a little toddler has been a bit overwhelming the last few months. It's a good sense of feeling overwhelmed, but none the less it leaves me little time to sit down and write on here. I would love to say it will change, but honestly friends (who do read my blog) it might not be as often as I want to post. So I'm going to not be able to post as much when January hits due to school resuming, but after this week I will have time to post more since I'm in finals week currently. Here's a tid bit of what has been happening in our household, I'll post more in the next week to come...
Christmas elves have taken over our house this past weekend as we have our wreath, fresh Christmas tree, holiday music, and stockings all hung up and ready to celebrate with family. Madison has been the best little helper in all of this especially in hunting down the perfect Christmas tree which we found on Saturday with Grandpa and Uncle Matthew. Uncle Matthew sacrificed his eye so we could get that tree, so we are eternally grateful for his help! Jon helped set up the tree and we have been busy transforming the house into a winter wonderland. I'll post pictures up when I can! Madison is now 21 months old and has been a good, but busy little one with seeing grandparents, seeing friends at daycare, and learning new words at a constant rate! She has even taken a few more steps in growing up which I'll talk about later in another post :)
Jon has been working a lot especially lately. His job at Google is taking a toll on him physically, but he doesn't mind it at all. In fact, his executive chef has switched him from the morning shift to the night shift so he will be working Monday through Thursday 10 hour days. He told me he feels like he might be getting a promotion with the amount of responsibility, he makes me so happy to know he finally found a passion that he loves to do. He never seems to get bored with his job, always something new everyday.
As for me, I should be studying right now, but this quarter was easy with my classes I took. It was my choice to take a lighter load, still 16 credits, but less stress with no science classes. It just seemed more time consuming otherwise with clinicals the past month. What are clinicals you might be asking? Well it's an internship for my certified nursing class that counts as school credit. My amazing group of five classmates and I have been going to Emerald Heights nursing home which is by far amazing. I've seen and learned things that I wouldn't have learned otherwise if I didn't get placed into that group. I've never dealt with real patients so this was a HUGE awakening for me as to what to expect in the real world of nursing. I have gotten to know patients who have passed especially recently with Zena. She is one of the spunkiest 96 year old ladies I knew who was still able to walk and keep a conversation going. It was very unexpected and I didn't think I would get attached to her as much as I did. Working in the real world has shown how to deal with nurses, co-workers, and most importantly the patients, that's the reason we are there...to make them as happy as possible. After this week, I'll begin studying for my TEAS test which is early next year, it's for nursing school so I have to kick major booty on it! A lot of my friends who have said it 's one of the hardest test they have taken by far which is a lot since all my friends are ridiculously smart!
Anyways that's our life in a nutshell, I'll post more pics/post to come with a month off I know I'll have time to keep up with this blog! Life has been so busy that I forget to sit down and relax, hopefully a month off to enjoy with family will cure that!
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