coming to terms.

As Christmas eve comes to an end, I find myself accepting a lesson that only took years to understand. To begin, my little family and I went to the Miller's for the yearly Christmas eve party. It was great and fun to see everyone and whatnot until I overheard Jon talking to his best friend, Reed saying that my parents live in the ghetto and I never invited him down for Christmas...he said more stuff and it hurt my feelings. I strayed away from him for the rest of the evening until it was time to head home. I couldn't contain myself the second we got home, Madison asleep already from the car ride was laid in her crib peacefully, as I broke down into tears pissed off at Jon for his hurtful words. He asked me what was wrong, I being a woman said "nothing." Of course, he knew something was eating at me from my tears and rumbling around making noise. I just said "I heard you talking shit about my parents." This is when he tells me the realization I didn't want to come to terms with all my life, my parents are awkward to be around. Yes I know they are not the most social people, but don't tell your best friend that only to have me hear. We talked, well me more yelling my emotions of anger, bitterness, and disdain for him at that moment. Once I finally cooled down, I realized something. Growing up I always thought your parents are judged based on the way you came off, and vice versa. Now I'm realizing that we are individuals and as we grow up, our parents either change or stay the same. In my case they stayed stuck in their ways with my mom teaching us her filippino heritage while my dad attempts to tell jokes. I always told myself that I never wanted to be like my parents growing up because they didn't allow me to express or really be myself growing up and I still do believe that. Let me get it out there, I do love them to death, but we've never seen eye to eye and this is one circumstance. Jon made me realize that people aren't judging me based on my parents, they aren't judging me based on where I grew up. They are judging me based on where I go in life and how I raise Madison. My view of why parents are the way they are is yet to be defined as I continue learning to be a parent, but coming to terms that my parents aren't perfect nor will they ever be is a good way to begin my journey.


On a holiday note, Merry Christmas!