My Life :)

After reading a colleague's blog, I find myself being inspired to post what is going on in order to keep myself somewhat sane. I don't know where to start, my mind is running with many ideas as to what I should even say. Maybe an introduction is best first off :)

Hi, my name is Susan. I live in Bothell, WA with my boyfriend, Jon and baby girl, Madison. I live the life of a young mom, and I love every minute of it. Life has been a spiral for me this past year let's just say.

To begin with, I found out I was pregnant when I was 29 weeks along on December 22, 2009. I'm sure you're thinking, how did I not know this whole time? Well I honestly have had an abnormal period since I was 17, some months I wouldn't get one so I was used to my body and it's weird period cycle. Plus I wasn't gaining weight excessively. Yes I was gaining weight, but I thought it was from all the stress with moving in with Jon and eating his cooking which was delish by the way. I never suspected that I could ever be until a co-worker asked me if I was sure. He just said I looked like I was glowing. As soon I got off work, I drove to the store and bought myself a pregnancy test. I cried as soon as I saw the pink line. I took a long shower and cried for an hour wondering what I would do and how would I tell people. I didn't want to believe the test so the next day I went to Planned Parenthood and took another test just to be sure I was seeing correctly.

 When I found out, I didn't know what to do honestly, but cry and think, "how can we raise a child when we aren't financially stable?" Questions were running through my mind like crazy and could not stop crying for the next two hours after finding out. I talked to a counselor and she gave me information on options available like adoption and raising a child. I was unable to think about what to do except to consider adoption because of our financial situation. After I was able to soak up the last of my tears for the day, I decided to head home and figure out what to do from there. I was scheduled to work that night, but called in for my first time because I had too much on my mind. I felt sick to my stomach just thinking about how to tell Jon and others.

The next few days I had to figure how and when to tell Jon. On Christmas Eve, Jon and his family have a tradition gathering with his best friend Reed's family and others as well to celebrate together the holidays. I went since I wouldn't see them on Christmas day. I had the hardest time hiding what was on my mind, Jon knew something was on my mind, but I just didn't have the heart to tell him onChristmas Eve. He was drinking with Reed and some other friends while I was in the other room with his sister, Ambre. I remember him calling for me, I went to him and he asked me if I was pregnant. What do I do?! Tell him right then and there when he's drunk in front of his friends? I couldn't  so I lied and I said no when I wanted to yell yes! I don't remember why he asked me that, but one of his friends asked him that and he thought he needed to ask me because I wasn't drinking booze. I think he did ask Ambre too and she just laughed in his face. I had to walk away with my head hanging low after that, I wanted to cry after that, but kept it together. I ended up leaving a little after midnight towards home (Tacoma) and just kept replaying the scenario over and over again questioning myself. Why didn't I just say yes?

Christmas morning arrived, and I was ready to tell my family. I remember getting up and my mom was going all out for breakfast with pancakes, bacon, eggs, toast. It was going to be a memorable day as I sat down at the table and my mom took one look at me and said, "What's wrong with you? Are you pregnant?" Right then and there I started to cry. Her reaction was worse than I imagined, I was hoping for some support. She then said, "Why are you crying? You asked for this upon yourself." My dad wasn't in the room, but I knew he knew. My sister was the first person I told as soon as I found out, I called her and told her. I do remember her being excited for me. Breakfast was awkward after that, I barely touched my food. We didn't open gifts right after eating, it took about an hour so everyone could get cleaned up and ready for the photo opportunities to come. It was also gave time for my mom to process the whole situation. She was able to look at me after the awkwardness at breakfast, she was still in shock and mad at my announcement. I knew it would take her time to accept it.

 In the end, I told my boyfriend on the 26th of December. He came home from work I believe and I was at home watching "Knocked Up" (great choice, I know). I started crying pretty much after he said hi and asked how my day was. He knew something was up right then and there. I told him he needs to sit down for what I was about to tell him. He preferred to stand, but he didn't for long as I was finally able to say I was pregnant through the sobbing and tears. He sat down speechless and didn't say anything for five minutes. It was the longest five minutes of my life! He finally talked and we talked for an hour after about what we do, when we would tell his family since I already told mine. We had to sit down and clear our minds after that life changing conversation so we went to the movies. I could tell it was on his mind still so I grabbed his hand letting him know it would be okay. He squeezed mine in return. Both of us knew that our lives were going to change forever, but in that moment I knew we would be okay :)