A guilty feeling.

I never thought I would have to take Madison to daycare, but she started last Monday {04.05.2011} She did really well and seemed to improve each day as I dropped her off and let her know I would be back with a hug and a kiss. I think she's taking it better than I am honestly, I still feel like I failed as a mom for even putting her into daycare. I feel like I still have time to take her out of there to stay at home with me, but at the same time I get told that it will get better and I'm hoping it does for both Madison and I. I just need to feel more at ease, but my separation anxiety is pretty ridiculously bad when it comes to leaving Madison. I know, I thought she would have it worse than me, but it's way worse for momma.

While we begin daycare, we are also working on weaning from nursing which is proving to be a challenge for me as well. In my a&p 242 class, we have been talking about the hormones that produces...the milk which is oxytocin while prolactin releases the milk to let down. I know nerd talk, sorry had to show off some what I've learned so far :) Well it's getting harder to not want to nurse her whenever I am around her, yes I nurse her at night but we are working on cutting out more of the day nursing which seems to be working just fine! I never thought weaning would be harder than this! Ah!

No tears, no fear.

I thought I wouldn't bite my words, but I found myself doing that today as I drove to school with Madison half awake in her car seat. Today was a big day, spring quarter begin but also Madison went to her first day of daycare. Ah just thinking of this made me sad. Once we pulled up to the parking lot, I could feel my anxiety go up knowing that she was going to have to go to daycare while I had to go to learn. When we walked in, she seemed pretty happy, we got there early just because I knew how long it would take me to pull away from her. She eventually started walking around and exploring and yes I did take pictures of her :) After awhile I decided I had to head to school or else I was never going to leave. I It took awhile, but eventually I said "bye" and kissed her good bye. She followed me as I headed towards the door and once I stepped outside, I waited a minute just to make sure she didn't scream her head off. Instead I looked inside and she was just looking around, she didn't cry. I felt so proud of her for not crying, she didn't cry. Ah, as soon as I got to class, I sat down and I just wanted to cry, but I didn't. I held it in and just focused on school during the day, my mind did wander wondering how she was doing quite a bit.

By noon, I headed to the daycare which coincidentally happens to be at the school. It ended up being nap time for the little ones so I ended up running errands and went back to get her later, as soon as I walked in she went into my arms, it made me so happy to hold her little self again! Her teachers said that she found a liking to one of the teachers and just followed her. She did have moments of tears, but overall her blanket kept her comforted when they did come up. Her teacher, Kim told me that she ended up napping earlier than nap time on the little stairs in the middle of the room. They just put her on one of the napping cots and she slept well, she did so well. She had a blast though walking around and exploring her new area to destroy.

 I'm one proud mama.

I am going to be that mom where I must take photos of first days no matter how much she might not like it later on. It makes me proud to see her learn and explore in new environments. Here are some :)

Madison and I up bright and early :)

I love her little self.

Her new bag. :)

I guess I feel more at ease knowing she isn't screaming her head off the whole time, but it will be awhile until I l feel more comfortable.

Spring break: so much to do, such little time!

So it's official as of Thursday at 9 pm, I was on spring break! I'm relieved to be done with the quarter especially a&p, but to me a week off is just not enough time to rest and spend time with Madison and my family and friends!

 So far on my agenda for the break not in any particular order:
-a trip planned to Bellingham this coming Tuesday to visit my sister and see friends, I'm super excited for this trip!
-a trip home to see my parentals for a day or two so I can relax some while they enjoy the company of Madison!
-update photos and finally transferring photos to my computer!
-plan a lunch date with my grandpa to catch up on his recent trip to NY with my sister
-a girls night out with friends from my anatomy class which I'm super excited for!
-many walks at the park with Madison on the non-rainy days!
-working out and getting my eating habits to be better instead of eating junk
-relaxing and spending time with my family
-spring cleaning of the apartment inside out before life gets crazy again!
-meet up with friends locally and catch up :)
-a date night possibly with Jon???
-using my coupon from Emily that I got over a year ago for a massage that is well deserved!


I plan on accomplishing all these goals, but in just a week of my spring break seems too short!
Well ready set go, Madison and I are ready to check each one off the list :)

Oh goodness.

Time has flown, it's been a month since I've posted, Yikes!
I didn't realize how behind I have been in my post with the last month of school almost done in two days, I'll have more free time the next week to post up blogs (and pics, of course), I promise to my few readers!

Happy 13 month to Madison today :)

I love you baby girl!

Happy Birthday Madison!

Happy Birthday to my darling little girl!
I love you little babe!
Your one now, oh goodness!

Madison's first day :)

Madison and dada.

 

1st family photo

 

 

 

Just look at you now walking all over the place :)

1st birthday and sick with a teary eye, but the happiest little baby still!

                                                             I love you little baby!

My oh My, I survived.

Taken 3 days before Madison was born!

My last belly pic before Madison popped out!

Wow I survived my first year of motherhood! To say that already is overwhelming for me. Jon and I survived parenthood for the first whole year. Through it all, I'm so glad we did go through everything we did to get to where we are.

I'm honestly so proud that I've been able to nurse Madison for her first whole year! No formula, nothing but Mama's milk. Now I have to figure out when to wean her away and switch to regular milk.

I can't believe this time last year I was sitting at home with Jon and we were just having a conversation about how anxious we were with having to wait another 2 weeks. I think someone overheard because Madison arrived the next morning! It's been such a crazy year with a baby and going back to school, but I've learned so much from this past year on love. Madison has taught me a new kind of love that is indescribable until you experience it. It's not the fall in love type of love, but more the first time you love something that is always going to love you back. That's the kind of love Madison has given me.

Thank you Madison for all the lessons of love you have taught me, I love you baby girl.
Happy 1st Birthday Madison.

First & Last.

Madison's Valentines photo...one of many :)

Fifteen minutes ago ended Valentines day and officially started a new day. Yesterday was a great day for everyone in my little family. Madison and I woke up for the day and she had her kindermusik class where she found her first boy valentine besides her daddy. She crawled right up to him and grabbed his cheeks and just attempted to bite his nose off, but it ended up as a little peck on his nose, it was too cute. I wish I was able to record that on video so we can show her (and make her cheeks red) when dating begins in her life that she was after the boys at a young age. After her class we went to have lunch with her grandma at Molbak's and she definitely loved having lunch with grandma. Madison loved it so much she decided to stain her "1st Valentines day" onesie so that was the end of wearing that which only lasted half a day surprisingly. After lunch, we ran errands and came home to a beautiful bouquet of a dozen pink roses and chocolate (yum!). Madison decided she wanted to see her grandma again so we went over to visit for a bit so she could play and show off her newly found walking skills off before heading home. Jon made dinner for us which consisted of fillet mignon and risotto with artichoke hearts (simplified the name since I can't remember the exact name of it), it was very delicious and I loved that we were able to stay home and enjoy Valentines day as a family.

This is the first of the last for Madison's holidays experienced. It might not make sense, but I'll try to elaborate. Her first holidays are all done and celebrated with and the last one was yesterday-Valentines day which was the first of many for her. Now it's time to just prepare her for the next round of holidays and the years to come. Does that make sense? It makes sense to me, but sometimes it is just me :) Just thinking about this today made me happy and sad to know she has grown so much in the first 11 1/2 months of her being. Soon she'll be one and running around like crazy while I'm trying to keep up with her. Actually on a side note, she keeps me in good shape with her crawling around and I'm sure with her running around soon, it will just be even busier for me. So here's to more holidays with Madison as she embraces them throughout the years to come and eventually grow to love them as much as her mama does.