Transformation.

I hate when people talk about body image so this is an advanced warning that I will be talking about my body image for the first time since baby was born. Here I go.

"You had a baby?"

Yes I get that a lot. I know I should feel blessed that I was able to go back to wearing my pre-baby clothing within a week after Madison was born, but eight months after having my little bundle of love I feel like I am bleh.

My body changed after having Madison, obviously. Since I'm breast feeding, my boobs are bigger and I don't have that same look to me as before. I feel like I'm still getting used to my body (I know eight months post baby).

Lately the past two weeks, I've been contemplating whether to breast feed until Madison's first birthday, but I just keep contemplating to stop at nine months which is coming up or to keep on chugging along. I am getting insight from family and friends and I just want to be me again. I keep on having this battle with myself on what is best for Madison, but I need to blog my peace to get it off my chest.

I know it will sound selfish, but I want to be able to wear my favorite tops again. Since breast feeding, I can't wear what I want on top. I need to make sure that I have access to feed her wherever we are. I want my boobs to go back to my size before (34B), I don't know how girls who get bigger boobs do it. It's so uncomfortable and hard to find tops that fit me now, I despise shopping now. I know Jon loves them, but seriously it makes me uncomfortable. I secretly loathe them. I feel like when I walk into a room that's all that people stare at me for. I'm sure they are staring at me because I look like I'm sixteen with a baby, seriously! I might be over exaggerating on how big they are, but I hide them when I get the chance. They just don't fit my personality and I hope they do go down back to my pre baby size.

There I said my peace about my post baby body.
Now I'm ready to move on.