Melting point.

Ever heard the phrase, "happy mommy, happy baby?"
It really does apply in all cases.

Take yesterday for example, not a good day for mom or baby.

 I didn't have a good night after Thanksgiving dinner because Jon was drunk and saying mean things to me which made me really sad, but I didn't want to show it in front of his family so I just put on a happy face in hopes of leaving for home soon. Instead of coming home he stayed at his friends house. The next morning he came home and apologized for being so drunk, but no matter how hard I tried, I still couldn't forgive him. I don't know why, but all my built up resentment towards him just couldn't forgive him for the hurtful things he said so yesterday just was my meltdown point. I couldn't look at him without getting mad, so Madison and I went to the library so I could just focus on my school studies. We later came home and my temper still was fuming. I just never got this mad even growing up. I don't know why, but at home I just tried to put my happy face on for Madison's sake and she could see right through it. She was feeding off my vibe and it just ended up with her crying non-stop no matter how much I held her or played with her, she was not in a happy mood nor was I. I couldn't take it and I just broke down crying and yelling because I was so frustrated that she wouldn't stop crying while she cried in her crib. I haven't broken down since she's been born and it just all got to me.

Jon took her and comforted her because I was still in the bedroom angry with myself for acting this way.  He came in later and sat down apologizing for what he said last night. I don't know if I should forgive him at this point. Every time he says the hurtful things he says to me, it makes me feel so insecure about myself and I always wonder when am I going to become a single parent officially. This is the part of parenthood that makes me wonder if we can make it through parenthood together or will I have to be a single mom. Until then everyday is one step at a time as we attempt to get through this together.
Our status right now is shaky, I haven't forgiven him and I don't know what to do at this point. I'm thinking we need to do couples therapy, I don't know though. Help?

Has anyone else gone through this? Or am I alone?