Happy 10 months to my baby girl :)
Everyday I look at her and just smile, she is such a blessing and I can't believe it was just one year ago it all changed.
THEN...
I can't believe one year ago this day things changed for me. This was the day I took a pregnancy test, I found out I was pregnant. When I saw that I was, I cried. I don't know how long I did, but it was my reaction. I didn't know what to think or what to do. I had to make sure the test was right so I went to see a doctor about it and she confirmed I was pregnant. I cried even more because now I needed to tell everyone, I wish I could say I was excited, but I was more scared if anything as to what everyone else would think especially since I was 29 weeks along. I know, I found out way later than usual. Telling our family and friends made me realize that I did have more support than I thought.
NOW...
It's amazing what 365 days do to one person's life. I am so surprised how much can change in a year, yes I had a baby, but so much more. My perspective on life has changed for the brighter and my hopes for Madison just make me happy knowing that we are raising a wonderful baby girl. I wasn't back in school, now I am heading towards my goal of becoming a nurse and have a plan made out. Jon and I have our eyes towards the future and making Madison a strong, independent girl. I realized in the past year that I have found a deeper love for life and for family.
Thank you Madison for changing our life, we love you for it!
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Balance.
Now that school is done for the quarter, it's time to spend some quality family time with Jon and Madison.
We haven't had many family days because Jon and I have schedules that are the opposite school wise and we both just have never gotten the timing right. Realizing that we have a family now, I have come to realizations that we don't spend enough time together as a family. Yes Madison and I spend a lot of time together, but it's never really been Jon, Madison, and I. Looking back on my childhood, it was a great childhood but I can't remember a lot of times with my whole family together spending time enjoying the presence of one another. It was either both my parents were there yet my sister or brother weren't. Or my dad would be at work while mom was with us kids. Life got in our way and I wish it didn't. I don't want life to get in our way. I know it will in time, but I can delay that time and spend as much time making memories with Madison and Jon as a family up until she starts to resent her parents, which I hope never happens yet she will become a teenager which is just one of the common occurrences in their lives.
Balancing school, work, and whatever else happens is what we need to make more time for family. Seeing all the families torn apart due to the military is heartbreaking especially when I know, my family is right in front of me and I'm not taking full advantage. I hope Jon and I cherish all the time we have with her at this age. Here's to family planned events for us :) Family pictures will be this Friday which I'm looking forward too, and yes to my friends, you will be getting a cheesy holiday card from us with a family picture, our first of many to come :)
On a side note, I passed my biology class with an A (99.6%), yes I did..whoot whoot! Now bring it on A&P!
We haven't had many family days because Jon and I have schedules that are the opposite school wise and we both just have never gotten the timing right. Realizing that we have a family now, I have come to realizations that we don't spend enough time together as a family. Yes Madison and I spend a lot of time together, but it's never really been Jon, Madison, and I. Looking back on my childhood, it was a great childhood but I can't remember a lot of times with my whole family together spending time enjoying the presence of one another. It was either both my parents were there yet my sister or brother weren't. Or my dad would be at work while mom was with us kids. Life got in our way and I wish it didn't. I don't want life to get in our way. I know it will in time, but I can delay that time and spend as much time making memories with Madison and Jon as a family up until she starts to resent her parents, which I hope never happens yet she will become a teenager which is just one of the common occurrences in their lives.
Balancing school, work, and whatever else happens is what we need to make more time for family. Seeing all the families torn apart due to the military is heartbreaking especially when I know, my family is right in front of me and I'm not taking full advantage. I hope Jon and I cherish all the time we have with her at this age. Here's to family planned events for us :) Family pictures will be this Friday which I'm looking forward too, and yes to my friends, you will be getting a cheesy holiday card from us with a family picture, our first of many to come :)
On a side note, I passed my biology class with an A (99.6%), yes I did..whoot whoot! Now bring it on A&P!
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Day dreamer.
As school dwindles down (2 classes left!) and the holidays approach, I can't help but daydream about Madison's first holidays experience. I know I shouldn't do that in class, but it's hard not too!
Thanksgiving was a hit for her as she interacted with five women and two men including her great Grandmother Ileen, Grandmother Karen, Aunt Heather, Aunt Ambre, Grandpa Lee, and daddy and her mommy (me, of course)! She was constantly laughing and smiling with all the attention she was getting and so many people to play with. Her first and only nap of the day, yes only one nap was at 11:30 am until noon and yes she was up for the rest of the day. I would say she took nap around five, but it only lasted for five minutes. She was a trooper though sitting down through four courses of Thanksgiving dinner, of course she dined with us in her high chair :)
Here are some pictures from Thanksgiving! Enjoy!
Thanksgiving was a hit for her as she interacted with five women and two men including her great Grandmother Ileen, Grandmother Karen, Aunt Heather, Aunt Ambre, Grandpa Lee, and daddy and her mommy (me, of course)! She was constantly laughing and smiling with all the attention she was getting and so many people to play with. Her first and only nap of the day, yes only one nap was at 11:30 am until noon and yes she was up for the rest of the day. I would say she took nap around five, but it only lasted for five minutes. She was a trooper though sitting down through four courses of Thanksgiving dinner, of course she dined with us in her high chair :)
Here are some pictures from Thanksgiving! Enjoy!
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| 1st course: a delicious salad with walnuts, bleu cheese, and more |
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| 2nd course: a potato dish mixed with olives and goodness :) |
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| 3rd course: risotto with rack of lamb |
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| 4th course: angel hair pasta with seared scallops and pesto |
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| Madison waiting for her food :) |
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| Aunt Heather |
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| Aunt Ambre |
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| Grandpa with Madison resting her foot on the table, only she can get away with it. |
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| Madison reaching for Grandma's glasses off Aunt Ambre. |
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| Great Grandma Ileen singing to Madison :) |
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Melting point.
Ever heard the phrase, "happy mommy, happy baby?"
It really does apply in all cases.
Take yesterday for example, not a good day for mom or baby.
I didn't have a good night after Thanksgiving dinner because Jon was drunk and saying mean things to me which made me really sad, but I didn't want to show it in front of his family so I just put on a happy face in hopes of leaving for home soon. Instead of coming home he stayed at his friends house. The next morning he came home and apologized for being so drunk, but no matter how hard I tried, I still couldn't forgive him. I don't know why, but all my built up resentment towards him just couldn't forgive him for the hurtful things he said so yesterday just was my meltdown point. I couldn't look at him without getting mad, so Madison and I went to the library so I could just focus on my school studies. We later came home and my temper still was fuming. I just never got this mad even growing up. I don't know why, but at home I just tried to put my happy face on for Madison's sake and she could see right through it. She was feeding off my vibe and it just ended up with her crying non-stop no matter how much I held her or played with her, she was not in a happy mood nor was I. I couldn't take it and I just broke down crying and yelling because I was so frustrated that she wouldn't stop crying while she cried in her crib. I haven't broken down since she's been born and it just all got to me.
Jon took her and comforted her because I was still in the bedroom angry with myself for acting this way. He came in later and sat down apologizing for what he said last night. I don't know if I should forgive him at this point. Every time he says the hurtful things he says to me, it makes me feel so insecure about myself and I always wonder when am I going to become a single parent officially. This is the part of parenthood that makes me wonder if we can make it through parenthood together or will I have to be a single mom. Until then everyday is one step at a time as we attempt to get through this together.
Our status right now is shaky, I haven't forgiven him and I don't know what to do at this point. I'm thinking we need to do couples therapy, I don't know though. Help?
Has anyone else gone through this? Or am I alone?
It really does apply in all cases.
Take yesterday for example, not a good day for mom or baby.
I didn't have a good night after Thanksgiving dinner because Jon was drunk and saying mean things to me which made me really sad, but I didn't want to show it in front of his family so I just put on a happy face in hopes of leaving for home soon. Instead of coming home he stayed at his friends house. The next morning he came home and apologized for being so drunk, but no matter how hard I tried, I still couldn't forgive him. I don't know why, but all my built up resentment towards him just couldn't forgive him for the hurtful things he said so yesterday just was my meltdown point. I couldn't look at him without getting mad, so Madison and I went to the library so I could just focus on my school studies. We later came home and my temper still was fuming. I just never got this mad even growing up. I don't know why, but at home I just tried to put my happy face on for Madison's sake and she could see right through it. She was feeding off my vibe and it just ended up with her crying non-stop no matter how much I held her or played with her, she was not in a happy mood nor was I. I couldn't take it and I just broke down crying and yelling because I was so frustrated that she wouldn't stop crying while she cried in her crib. I haven't broken down since she's been born and it just all got to me.
Jon took her and comforted her because I was still in the bedroom angry with myself for acting this way. He came in later and sat down apologizing for what he said last night. I don't know if I should forgive him at this point. Every time he says the hurtful things he says to me, it makes me feel so insecure about myself and I always wonder when am I going to become a single parent officially. This is the part of parenthood that makes me wonder if we can make it through parenthood together or will I have to be a single mom. Until then everyday is one step at a time as we attempt to get through this together.
Our status right now is shaky, I haven't forgiven him and I don't know what to do at this point. I'm thinking we need to do couples therapy, I don't know though. Help?
Has anyone else gone through this? Or am I alone?
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Snowgiving.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
I'll keep this short and sweet!
Today is an exciting day with Madison's first thanksgiving!
She's super excited with the snow and seeing family!
Today is the first snowgiving for us as well!
I"m thankful for...
*family that supports my little family with love and words of encouragement.
*my boyfriend, Jon and daugher, Madison who make me happy.
*what we have been given with each blessing watching Madison grow everyday into an adventurous little girl.
*a healthy baby :)
*everyone in my family is all healthy and living life.
*the friends I've reconnected with throughout this year making our friendships stronger than ever.
Happy turkey day and eat lots!
I'll keep this short and sweet!
Today is an exciting day with Madison's first thanksgiving!
She's super excited with the snow and seeing family!
Today is the first snowgiving for us as well!
I"m thankful for...
*family that supports my little family with love and words of encouragement.
*my boyfriend, Jon and daugher, Madison who make me happy.
*what we have been given with each blessing watching Madison grow everyday into an adventurous little girl.
*a healthy baby :)
*everyone in my family is all healthy and living life.
*the friends I've reconnected with throughout this year making our friendships stronger than ever.
Happy turkey day and eat lots!
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Appreciate.
As the holidays approach, I can't help but feel a bit of sadness. Yes it is the time of year to spend the most time with family, but it seems like every year gets less and less in my case. This will be my second year away from Thanksgiving with my family. I feel saddened by this and can't help but wish time would go back to when I did go home. Last year, I remember Jon and I wanted to spend Thanksgiving together for the first time since we've been together and it was a great Thanksgiving, but now that this is going to be my second year spending it without my family, it makes me want to just surprise them on Thanksgiving day even more.
I know it sounds like a great idea in my mind and when it's say aloud, but the drive down in the snow/ice would scare me and just make me have a heart attack. I haven't driven in the snow this year yet in they Hyundi yet, Jon told me that it drives fine but I've been in way too many close calls with snow driving that I still get nervous thinking about it. I'm going to plan to see my family on Christmas day, but why can't that be here sooner? With school coming to an end and other priorities already made, it's feels like there isn't enough time for me to make up to my family for missing out on another Thanksgiving.
I realize that I'm missing out on making family memories with my own family. Cherishing the time you have with family is the most important thing anyone can do in their lives. Do cherish what time you have with family because as you get older, life gets in the way sometimes which makes you miss it even more.
I know it sounds like a great idea in my mind and when it's say aloud, but the drive down in the snow/ice would scare me and just make me have a heart attack. I haven't driven in the snow this year yet in they Hyundi yet, Jon told me that it drives fine but I've been in way too many close calls with snow driving that I still get nervous thinking about it. I'm going to plan to see my family on Christmas day, but why can't that be here sooner? With school coming to an end and other priorities already made, it's feels like there isn't enough time for me to make up to my family for missing out on another Thanksgiving.
I realize that I'm missing out on making family memories with my own family. Cherishing the time you have with family is the most important thing anyone can do in their lives. Do cherish what time you have with family because as you get older, life gets in the way sometimes which makes you miss it even more.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Let it snow for my baby girl.
What a way to celebrate Madison's 9 months with snow :)
We woke up to snow and she just gazed out the window watching it fall. Today is Monday which means it's baby music class so we put on our warm winter gear and trotted out.
Here is us outside :)
We ended up being the only weekly ones there besides another baby named Jake who just started the class. It was still an enjoyable time for us and it even started to snow lightly while we were there.
After class, we went home and I found out that my evening class was canceled so it was a family day at home! It was just nice to be stuck at home with family :) Madison showed off her standing skills (sorta) to me. Here she is peaking into her toy box!
For dinner, we ate grilled cheese and tomato soup (my favorite)!
Madison had a bubble bath with me and she loves water, I have a feeling she is going to be a swimmer (nothing like me in that sense).
It was just another great day with my little family :)
Happy 9 months my baby girl, I love you!
We woke up to snow and she just gazed out the window watching it fall. Today is Monday which means it's baby music class so we put on our warm winter gear and trotted out.
Here is us outside :)
We ended up being the only weekly ones there besides another baby named Jake who just started the class. It was still an enjoyable time for us and it even started to snow lightly while we were there.
After class, we went home and I found out that my evening class was canceled so it was a family day at home! It was just nice to be stuck at home with family :) Madison showed off her standing skills (sorta) to me. Here she is peaking into her toy box!
For dinner, we ate grilled cheese and tomato soup (my favorite)!
Madison had a bubble bath with me and she loves water, I have a feeling she is going to be a swimmer (nothing like me in that sense).
It was just another great day with my little family :)
Happy 9 months my baby girl, I love you!
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