Apologies.

"I'm sorry" are two powerful words that can make all the difference in a relationship. To hear those two words broke me down this past Tuesday night.

Let me start from the beginning though to fill you in on the backstory. Emily and I were best friends in high school, the best of the best. People would talk about us as a pair and not as Susan or Emily when together. We were inseparable and she was one of the few friends of mine that actually met my family and enjoyed their company. We first met in ninth grade and hit it off, we became such good friends by the time our senior came around, we both even decided to attend the same college at Western Washington.

As fall approached, we both moved into our dorms, not near by but we knew we could always visit one another. We were still really great friends, we had so many fun memories until that spring quarter. Something changed in our relationship, I couldn't tell you what it was, but it changed. Emily and I were not as close as in high school, she was not telling me stuff and I was doing the same because I didn't know how to approach her about it. I remember we stopped hanging out as much, she was different. By the time it was summertime, I lost her and it broke my heart.

I came home for the summer and reflected on my first year away, I lost friends including the most valuable one that I cherished. I knew even if we sorted things out, it wouldn't be the same ever again. Going into our second year, I hoped that we would sit down and talk. It never happened. During the summer Emily decided to move down to Lynnwood and go to school down there. I wished it was different, but I know it wouldn't be. Over the next few years we went our separate ways. It wasn't until I broke up with my first real boyfriend that I sent her a fb (facebook) message asking for advice. The response I got broke my heart even more. I was distraught as I read it as she spilled her guts out to me explaining that I was different and not the same Susan as before, etc. She went off on me basically calling our friendship off for good. I lost a part of me and it hasn't been found since.

This year I decided it was time to reach out to her and see if we could reconnect. Emily and I decided to have lunch dates and go from there, overall it was good to see her but it was still different. There was an awkwardness in the air like dancing around a bush to avoid confronting it. This past Tuesday, Madison and I went to her house to visit and hang out. It was great to see her again like always but once again, the awkwardness was there. I was getting ready to leave to go home while she was in the kitchen. I went in and she said, "I'm sorry." Right then, I started to cry. For the first time in years since I've known Emily, she cried. She said more stuff that brought our issues to the surface and for the first time I felt like a brick was lifted off my shoulder. We hugged and I headed home with Maddie. On the way home, I felt a relief of happiness and a fresh start for us to renew our friendship and a piece of me feels full again.

I'm glad that she can be here as I start a new chapter in my life being a mom. I want her to be part of my life because it felt empty without her. She has been the one friend I have always been the one to talk to about anything regarding family and personal stuff I couldn't bring to tell anyone about. For anyone out there wondering if it's too late to apologize to fix a friendship or relationship, it's never too late.