Thursday, May 17, 2012
HUGE life changes...
I know having a baby is a huge life changer, but nothing compares to leaving someone you loved. The past few days I have made the decision to leave Madison's dad. Yes we have been together for almost 5 years, but as of lately he's been emotionally and verbally abusive to the point where I'm scared to be around him. It's a long story of what happened, and I hope to write about it one day without crying as I type, but for now, I'm busy making plans for Madison and I together to leave him. I'm scared and petrified of the next step of life without him or anyone by my side, but I'm ready. I thought I wouldn't be strong enough, but having my family and friends support my decision and reassure me that things will be okay has made me feel better about the matter. Yes, I do still cry on a daily basis, but the tears are becoming less and less, and it's more determination of getting out at this point. So, I'll keep updating on here with my process, but I don't plan on telling him until everything is in place so please keep me in your prayers as I take the journey of becoming a single mom in hand.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Belated times...
I've been so behind on posting here, I haven't had time this quarter with making weekly post. I think it's to say that I can't keep up on blogging with the heavy science classes I'm taking, so I can't promise postings on here too often, but if I can post I will! Spring break starts tomorrow for me as of 11:30 am so I will finally upload pics from Madison's 2nd birthday party and what she's been up too as an adventurous toddler!
<3
<3
Thursday, December 29, 2011
How the Grinch Stole my Christmas Spirit.
Parenthood is a test to essentially see how strong your relationship is with your significant other. Sad to say, it happened to us in an explosive way. Jon and I got into a HUGE fight on December 18th that lead to him tossing our tree out with the decorations ruining my Christmas spirit as well as trying to kill my cat by strangling her. In that short amount of time coming home from the concert to leaving to pick Madison up, with no sleep I packed up Madison and my stuff and picked her up from her grandparents since she stayed there the night before so Jon and I could go to his co-workers concert. We headed down to my parents after I came back to get my cat because I was fearful of what he would do to her with me not there. Both his parents and mine were supportive, some gave unwanted advice, great advice, and some even just comforted me by listening to what happened.
We since then have worked it out...kinda. I'm still not over it, but I have started to see a change in him in the way he treats me, a good thing. We spent the next few days apart to cool off. He apologized instantly after I got down to my parents. He never apologizes, he still does to this day. I think he feels guilty for the horrible things he said and did that night. I came up that Wednesday and he apologized over and over again. From our talk we both realized we need to communicate better, yes we talk but not like we used to before having Madison where we would have time to talk for as much as possible without worrying "where the baby is, or if she is okay?"
Some friends were consoling and I appreciate them for being there when I needed them. Some aren't accepting of me going back to him after that night, but the matter of fact is we have a daughter that we want her to see if we can work it out for her sake. I still love my friends that don't accept my decision, it means they care for me too much to see me get hurt. I need to do this though to see if we can work out our issues. We do care about each other, yes I still don't forgive him. I know it's going to take a year or more, but we're hoping through counseling we can work on our issues as a couple together. We both took on the world on our shoulders when Madison was born, but we didn't talk to each other about it. I was so focused on Madison's needs that I didn't look at my needs, Jon's needs, or "our" needs as a couple.
My friend told me that once your glass cup is broken you're done for in a relationship, but what if we can mend the broken pieces together. My greatest fear is becoming a single parent within a matter of minutes, but we haven't given each other a ring to wear to say we are married. We took a step back in our relationship of four and a half years, it will take a new year of mending our relationship together again. We can do it, I feel the support from our family and friends, but mostly from the love we both have for Madison, we can and will make it work as a family.
We since then have worked it out...kinda. I'm still not over it, but I have started to see a change in him in the way he treats me, a good thing. We spent the next few days apart to cool off. He apologized instantly after I got down to my parents. He never apologizes, he still does to this day. I think he feels guilty for the horrible things he said and did that night. I came up that Wednesday and he apologized over and over again. From our talk we both realized we need to communicate better, yes we talk but not like we used to before having Madison where we would have time to talk for as much as possible without worrying "where the baby is, or if she is okay?"
Some friends were consoling and I appreciate them for being there when I needed them. Some aren't accepting of me going back to him after that night, but the matter of fact is we have a daughter that we want her to see if we can work it out for her sake. I still love my friends that don't accept my decision, it means they care for me too much to see me get hurt. I need to do this though to see if we can work out our issues. We do care about each other, yes I still don't forgive him. I know it's going to take a year or more, but we're hoping through counseling we can work on our issues as a couple together. We both took on the world on our shoulders when Madison was born, but we didn't talk to each other about it. I was so focused on Madison's needs that I didn't look at my needs, Jon's needs, or "our" needs as a couple.
My friend told me that once your glass cup is broken you're done for in a relationship, but what if we can mend the broken pieces together. My greatest fear is becoming a single parent within a matter of minutes, but we haven't given each other a ring to wear to say we are married. We took a step back in our relationship of four and a half years, it will take a new year of mending our relationship together again. We can do it, I feel the support from our family and friends, but mostly from the love we both have for Madison, we can and will make it work as a family.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Belated postings...
It's been months since I've posted anything new on here!
I think taking full-time school plus a little toddler has been a bit overwhelming the last few months. It's a good sense of feeling overwhelmed, but none the less it leaves me little time to sit down and write on here. I would love to say it will change, but honestly friends (who do read my blog) it might not be as often as I want to post. So I'm going to not be able to post as much when January hits due to school resuming, but after this week I will have time to post more since I'm in finals week currently. Here's a tid bit of what has been happening in our household, I'll post more in the next week to come...
Christmas elves have taken over our house this past weekend as we have our wreath, fresh Christmas tree, holiday music, and stockings all hung up and ready to celebrate with family. Madison has been the best little helper in all of this especially in hunting down the perfect Christmas tree which we found on Saturday with Grandpa and Uncle Matthew. Uncle Matthew sacrificed his eye so we could get that tree, so we are eternally grateful for his help! Jon helped set up the tree and we have been busy transforming the house into a winter wonderland. I'll post pictures up when I can! Madison is now 21 months old and has been a good, but busy little one with seeing grandparents, seeing friends at daycare, and learning new words at a constant rate! She has even taken a few more steps in growing up which I'll talk about later in another post :)
Jon has been working a lot especially lately. His job at Google is taking a toll on him physically, but he doesn't mind it at all. In fact, his executive chef has switched him from the morning shift to the night shift so he will be working Monday through Thursday 10 hour days. He told me he feels like he might be getting a promotion with the amount of responsibility, he makes me so happy to know he finally found a passion that he loves to do. He never seems to get bored with his job, always something new everyday.
As for me, I should be studying right now, but this quarter was easy with my classes I took. It was my choice to take a lighter load, still 16 credits, but less stress with no science classes. It just seemed more time consuming otherwise with clinicals the past month. What are clinicals you might be asking? Well it's an internship for my certified nursing class that counts as school credit. My amazing group of five classmates and I have been going to Emerald Heights nursing home which is by far amazing. I've seen and learned things that I wouldn't have learned otherwise if I didn't get placed into that group. I've never dealt with real patients so this was a HUGE awakening for me as to what to expect in the real world of nursing. I have gotten to know patients who have passed especially recently with Zena. She is one of the spunkiest 96 year old ladies I knew who was still able to walk and keep a conversation going. It was very unexpected and I didn't think I would get attached to her as much as I did. Working in the real world has shown how to deal with nurses, co-workers, and most importantly the patients, that's the reason we are there...to make them as happy as possible. After this week, I'll begin studying for my TEAS test which is early next year, it's for nursing school so I have to kick major booty on it! A lot of my friends who have said it 's one of the hardest test they have taken by far which is a lot since all my friends are ridiculously smart!
Anyways that's our life in a nutshell, I'll post more pics/post to come with a month off I know I'll have time to keep up with this blog! Life has been so busy that I forget to sit down and relax, hopefully a month off to enjoy with family will cure that!
I think taking full-time school plus a little toddler has been a bit overwhelming the last few months. It's a good sense of feeling overwhelmed, but none the less it leaves me little time to sit down and write on here. I would love to say it will change, but honestly friends (who do read my blog) it might not be as often as I want to post. So I'm going to not be able to post as much when January hits due to school resuming, but after this week I will have time to post more since I'm in finals week currently. Here's a tid bit of what has been happening in our household, I'll post more in the next week to come...
Christmas elves have taken over our house this past weekend as we have our wreath, fresh Christmas tree, holiday music, and stockings all hung up and ready to celebrate with family. Madison has been the best little helper in all of this especially in hunting down the perfect Christmas tree which we found on Saturday with Grandpa and Uncle Matthew. Uncle Matthew sacrificed his eye so we could get that tree, so we are eternally grateful for his help! Jon helped set up the tree and we have been busy transforming the house into a winter wonderland. I'll post pictures up when I can! Madison is now 21 months old and has been a good, but busy little one with seeing grandparents, seeing friends at daycare, and learning new words at a constant rate! She has even taken a few more steps in growing up which I'll talk about later in another post :)
Jon has been working a lot especially lately. His job at Google is taking a toll on him physically, but he doesn't mind it at all. In fact, his executive chef has switched him from the morning shift to the night shift so he will be working Monday through Thursday 10 hour days. He told me he feels like he might be getting a promotion with the amount of responsibility, he makes me so happy to know he finally found a passion that he loves to do. He never seems to get bored with his job, always something new everyday.
As for me, I should be studying right now, but this quarter was easy with my classes I took. It was my choice to take a lighter load, still 16 credits, but less stress with no science classes. It just seemed more time consuming otherwise with clinicals the past month. What are clinicals you might be asking? Well it's an internship for my certified nursing class that counts as school credit. My amazing group of five classmates and I have been going to Emerald Heights nursing home which is by far amazing. I've seen and learned things that I wouldn't have learned otherwise if I didn't get placed into that group. I've never dealt with real patients so this was a HUGE awakening for me as to what to expect in the real world of nursing. I have gotten to know patients who have passed especially recently with Zena. She is one of the spunkiest 96 year old ladies I knew who was still able to walk and keep a conversation going. It was very unexpected and I didn't think I would get attached to her as much as I did. Working in the real world has shown how to deal with nurses, co-workers, and most importantly the patients, that's the reason we are there...to make them as happy as possible. After this week, I'll begin studying for my TEAS test which is early next year, it's for nursing school so I have to kick major booty on it! A lot of my friends who have said it 's one of the hardest test they have taken by far which is a lot since all my friends are ridiculously smart!
Anyways that's our life in a nutshell, I'll post more pics/post to come with a month off I know I'll have time to keep up with this blog! Life has been so busy that I forget to sit down and relax, hopefully a month off to enjoy with family will cure that!
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Oh goodness, changes.
It's been a whirlwind of busy for our household with many changes, all good :)
First big change is Madison turning into a little toddler who has a mind of her own with a new vocabulary being built on a daily basis. She's 16 months now and so full of energy! Everyday she blows my mind on how she can be so grown up in comparison to the past year, she just has blossomed into a little lady!
Second big change is that we have moved from Bothell to Seattle as of July 1st :) Madison has her own room and we love being 5 minutes away from a park not to mention a block away from a coffee shop (for Mommy's sake). Another bonus is we are 10 minutes from Alki beach which is perfect with this lovely week of great weather! We love our new townhouse and I'll be posting pictures soon once I have internet, right now I'm at Jon's parents house writing this to keep up to date :)
Third big change is Jon has a job at Google! The chef he interned for was hired by Google to hire chefs for a cafe opening towards the end of the month so he told Jon he would get him an interview which Jon did amazing at, they offered him a job on the spot!
Fourth big change is I'm done with my first quarter back as a full-time student with 5 classes taken. Somehow I pulled through all my classes with four 4.0's and one 3.2 from my A&P 242 class. That class was the death of me if I didn't survive, but luckily I don't have to retake it with my other classes that are pretty much 4.0's. Overall my gpa was a 3.77 :) Now it's back to summer quarter full time with A&P 241, Stats, and Art Appreciation :) I'm pretty excited once I'm done with this quarter because then I'll be done with my pre-reqs for nursing school, now I just need to get hours of medical experience (250 hours, eek!).
Finally things are getting all pulled together in the right direction with family life, school, and everything else. Life is good and I couldn't ask for anything more than to ask the sun to keep shining!
First big change is Madison turning into a little toddler who has a mind of her own with a new vocabulary being built on a daily basis. She's 16 months now and so full of energy! Everyday she blows my mind on how she can be so grown up in comparison to the past year, she just has blossomed into a little lady!
Second big change is that we have moved from Bothell to Seattle as of July 1st :) Madison has her own room and we love being 5 minutes away from a park not to mention a block away from a coffee shop (for Mommy's sake). Another bonus is we are 10 minutes from Alki beach which is perfect with this lovely week of great weather! We love our new townhouse and I'll be posting pictures soon once I have internet, right now I'm at Jon's parents house writing this to keep up to date :)
Third big change is Jon has a job at Google! The chef he interned for was hired by Google to hire chefs for a cafe opening towards the end of the month so he told Jon he would get him an interview which Jon did amazing at, they offered him a job on the spot!
Fourth big change is I'm done with my first quarter back as a full-time student with 5 classes taken. Somehow I pulled through all my classes with four 4.0's and one 3.2 from my A&P 242 class. That class was the death of me if I didn't survive, but luckily I don't have to retake it with my other classes that are pretty much 4.0's. Overall my gpa was a 3.77 :) Now it's back to summer quarter full time with A&P 241, Stats, and Art Appreciation :) I'm pretty excited once I'm done with this quarter because then I'll be done with my pre-reqs for nursing school, now I just need to get hours of medical experience (250 hours, eek!).
Finally things are getting all pulled together in the right direction with family life, school, and everything else. Life is good and I couldn't ask for anything more than to ask the sun to keep shining!
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Happy 15 months.
Happy 15 months Madison!
Your such a little blessing. I didn't realize that you would grow up so fast from a baby who relied on me for everything into a little one that is now exploring and able to talk to me and let me know what you want!You are able to tell me when you want to eat, what you want, as well as able to be say hi, mama, dada, baba (blanket), and grandma on command :) Plus you love to go outside on the balcony and watch to people watch which I adore you so much.
You even surprised me today by taking the nursing pump and your cup full of juice taking your juice and somehow inserting it into the pump, later showing me the results after. Oh my gosh, you just cracked me up and I couldn't stop laughing. Oh my, Madison I love you :)
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| 'Check this out mom.' |
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| She's figuring it out here :) |
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| The final result. |
Your such a little gift, I don't think you realize it baby girl :)
I love you!
<3
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Mama's day.
As my second Mother's day approaches, I can't help but reflect on the past year with how things have changed. All the responsibilities seem to fall on my shoulder in the household with laundry, cleaning house, and keeping up with Madison, the toddler-on top of that, I am a full time student and the stress has been overwhelming for me especially lately. As Mother's day is tomorrow, I wish I could ask for a day to just relax, but I can't. Instead I'll be prepping for a midterm bright and early Monday morning (boo, I know), but I just don't know what to feel anymore. My emotions have been on a roller coaster lately with everything, I need a break from it all and sit back and reflect on what I have in my life with my little family with Madison and Jon is what I need.
Thank you Madison for being my little toddler who always reminds me that I need to push myself, yet I need to enjoy life when I am stressing out like right now.
To those mamas with any baby or toddler keeping them busy then give them a day to relax and not just run around running, instead try to help out and not just watch them slowly lose themselves in the everyday aspects. Be there for them especially on a day for Mother's day.
Thank you Madison for being my little toddler who always reminds me that I need to push myself, yet I need to enjoy life when I am stressing out like right now.
To those mamas with any baby or toddler keeping them busy then give them a day to relax and not just run around running, instead try to help out and not just watch them slowly lose themselves in the everyday aspects. Be there for them especially on a day for Mother's day.
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